The process of poetry isn’t just the inspiration. Inspiration means “to breathe in” and when a good idea for a poem arrives, it’s like breathing a mysterious understanding into the brain-pan. But air doesn’t stay in the lungs. It goes out into the body and chemical reactions happen and lights turn off and on and switches are thrown and you keep living. That’s the work of breathing. The revision process, in which the raw material of mystery is coaxed into a poem through a process of tradition, language, music and self-reflection, is actually the most instructional part of the process for me. I saved one “farm to shelf” process a couple of years ago. You can just read the first and the last version to see how it changed, or look at the iterations.
REVISION—a case study
Jan 26 early am.
It creeps in, like the fog.
Understanding, or at least cognizance of
A greater life. Life in my head has been
Constrained, misspelled, unrealized, but
Planned at each step by my willing heart.
Now I look at the results of all the planning
And see that long ago I fell from a great height
And have, ever since, been dreaming a life on the
Fly. The ground comes up quickly beneath me.
How beautiful the berries growing on the wall.
(I wrote this in about 10 minutes. I didn’t see the fog/cognizance connection until 12 hours after writing. I DID see, even as I wrote it, that I was borrowing heavily from both Frost and somebody else and I have to find out who. Japanese…maybe a haiku writer? The last line is a direct lift.)
(Jan 26, 11pm)
It creeps in, like the fog.
Understanding, or at least cognizance of
a greater life. Life in my head has been
constrained, misspelled, unrealized, but
planned at each step by my willing heart.
Now I look at the results of all the planning
and see that long ago I fell from a great height
and have, ever since, been dreaming a life while I
fall. The ground comes up quickly beneath me.
How beautiful the berries growing on the wall.
(changed fly to fall. Rhymes with wall and also makes more grammatical sense. Life on the fly sounds “flighty” and also as if I could rise up again like Superman. Those two “ands” are bothering me but they’ll wait til tomorrow.)
Jan 27, noonish
It creeps in, like the fog—
this understanding, this cognizance of life.
In my unwilling head, life has often been
constrained, misspelled, dissipated—
but planned at each step by my willing heart.
Now I look at the results of all that planning
and see that long ago I fell from a great height
and have, ever since, been dreaming as I fall.
The ground comes up quickly beneath me.
How beautiful the berries growing on the wall.
(more grammatical corrections. More substantive. Here I am finding that the general palette of the first rendition, while giving the direction, language and theme of the poem, may have been unclear, grammatically. That it wouldn’t make sense to the general reader. Now I am becoming the general reader and looking for it to make sense outside of myself. I changed unrealized to dissipated in the fourth line for the alliteration. I strengthened the connection between the unwilling head and the willing heart. What about Satori for a title? Hmmmmm…..)
Jan 27, 4pm
It creeps in, like the fog—
this understanding, this cognizance of life.
In my unwitting head, life has often been
constrained, misspelled, dissipated—
but planned, plain and simple, all of life planned
by my poorly managed heart.
Now I look at the results of that planning
and see that 57 years ago I fell from a great height
and have, ever since, been dreaming as I fall.
The ground comes up quickly beneath me.
How beautiful the berries growing on the wall.
(It’s really a nuisance, thinking about a poem. I need to leave it alone for a day or two, but instead I keep coming back to push it around a little. )
January 29, 2008 9am
Kensho
Kensho refers to the first perception of the Buddha-Nature or True-Nature, sometimes referred to as "awakening". Kensho is not a permanent state of enlightenment, but rather a clear glimpse of the true nature of existence.
Cognizance of life creeps in, like fog—
My certain earth gives way to truthful sand:
I had, in my cave-blind sight, a life
constrained, misspelled, distracted, misplaced—
but planned, all of it supposedly planned
by an unwitting head and an unwilling heart.
Now I greet the results of my so-called plans,
recognizing that 57 years ago I fell from a great height
and have, ever since, been dreaming as I fall.
The ground comes up quickly beneath me.
How beautiful the berries growing on the wall.
really changing now, although the last stanza is still recognizable. Found more inner sounds. (sand, planned, creep, greet, dream, beneath, sight, height, life, like, blind, ground, grow, certain, earth, all, fall, wall) I keep trying to take out words. If I can make sense of the whole without the word it’s probably not a necessary word. Unless beautiful. And putting “recognizing” in was good---to know again. This teaches me that I am not really learning this for the first time. I looked up Satori which is evidently a permanent state. Kensho seems more appropriate to my fleeting understanding of life.
Jan 29, 11am
Kensho
Kensho refers to the first perception of the Buddha-Nature or True-Nature, sometimes referred to as "awakening". Kensho is not a permanent state of enlightenment, but rather a clear glimpse of the true nature of existence. (from Wikipedia)
Cognizance of life creeps in,
like scattered light through fog—
My certain earth gives way to truthful sand:
I had thought, with cave-blind sight, my life was
constrained, misspelled, distracted, misplaced—
but planned, all of it supposedly planned
by my unwitting head and my unwilling heart.
Now I greet the results of my so-called plans,
recognizing that 57 years ago I fell from a great height
and have, ever since, been dreaming as I fall.
The ground comes up quickly beneath me.
How beautiful the berries growing on the wall.
It seems to be better. Now I had best leave it for a month to let it gel. That’s the hard part!
February 7
Kensho
Kensho refers to the first perception of the Buddha-Nature or True-Nature, sometimes referred to as "awakening". Kensho is not a permanent state of enlightenment, but rather a clear glimpse of the true nature of existence. (from Wikipedia)
Cognizance of life creeps in,
like scattered light through fog—
As certain earth gives way to truthful sand.
I had thought, with cave-blind sight, my life was
constrained, misspelled, distracted, misplaced—
but planned, all of it supposedly planned
by my unwitting head and my unwilling heart.
Now I greet the results of my so-called plans,
recognizing that 57 years ago I fell from a great height
and have, ever since, been dreaming as I fall.
The ground comes up quickly beneath me.
How beautiful the berries growing on the wall.
I couldn’t leave it for a whole month! now I’m pondering the fourth line. Its not truthful enough, but today isn’t the day for altering it.
Feb 14
Kensho
Kensho refers to the first perception of the Buddha-Nature or True-Nature, sometimes referred to as "awakening". Kensho is not a permanent state of enlightenment, but rather a clear glimpse of the true nature of existence. (from Wikipedia)
Cognizance of life creeps in,
like scattered light through fog—
As certain earth gives way to truthful sand.
I had thought, with cave-blind sight, my life was
constrained, misspelled, distracted, misplaced—
but planned, all of it supposedly planned
by an unwitting head and unwilling heart.
Now I greet the results of my so-called plans,
recognizing that 57 years ago I fell from a great height
and have, ever since, been dreaming as I fall.
The ground comes up quickly beneath me.
How beautiful the berries growing on the wall.
only a change in the head and heart line, but I decided to send this one in for a contest.
Feb 20
Kensho
Kensho refers to the first perception of the Buddha-Nature or True-Nature, sometimes referred to as "awakening". Kensho is not a permanent state of enlightenment, but rather a clear glimpse of the true nature of existence. (from Wikipedia)
Cognizance of life creeps in,
like scattered light through fog—
Certain earth gives way to truthful sand.
My life has been constrained, misspelled,
distracted, misplaced—
but planned, all of it seeming planned
by an unwilling head and an unwitting heart.
Now I greet the results of my so-called plans,
recognizing that 57 years ago I fell from a great height
and have, ever since, been dreaming as I fall.
The ground comes up quickly beneath me.
How beautiful the berries growing on the wall.
I keep revising, even though its been sent off somewhere. Cave-blind sight, while a nice reference to Plato’s cave, didn’t fit
March 15
Kensho
Kensho refers to the first perception of the Buddha-Nature or True-Nature, sometimes referred to as "awakening". Kensho is not a permanent state of enlightenment, but rather a clear glimpse of the true nature of existence. (from Wikipedia)
Cognizance of life creeps in,
like scattered light through fog—
Certain earth gives way to truthful sand.
My life has been constrained, misspelled,
distracted, misplaced —
but planned, all of it seeming planned
by an unwilling head and an unwitting heart.
Now I greet the results of my so-called plans,
recognizing that 57 years ago I fell from a great height
and have, ever since, been dreaming as I fall.
The ground comes up quickly beneath me.
How beautiful the berries growing on the wall.
It’s a nice poem. Maybe it’s time to let it be. . . .
April 4
Kensho
Kensho refers to the first perception of the Buddha-Nature or True-Nature, sometimes referred to as "awakening". Kensho is not a permanent state of enlightenment, but rather a clear glimpse of the true nature of existence. (from Wikipedia)
Cognizance of life creeps in,
like scattered light through fog—
certain earth gives way to truthful sand.
My life has been a misspelled, distracted art—
but planned, all of it seeming planned
by an unwilling head and an unwitting heart.
Now I greet the results of my so-called plans,
recognizing that 59 years ago I fell from a great height
and have, ever since, been dreaming as I fall.
The ground comes up quickly beneath me.
How beautiful the berries on the wall.
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